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December 16, 2009

 Dear Kundalini Yoga,

Please don’t even think of talking to me right now, I need serious alone time after our night together.

As if it weren’t already enough that you showed up late and left me waiting all alone for you in that cold room, you had to go and hurt me so.

When you got in the room, you didn’t even express joy to see me, you just went right into the motions. You don’t even look me in the eye anymore.

I’m starting to get the feeling that you think it’s really funny to have me do messed up things like “pant like a dog” for 20 minutes until my tongue is so dry I nearly lose it. Anyway, I caught you looking at me all sly and smug when I so willingly held my legs up in the air endlessly screaming “har.” Well, har har hardy har you bastard. Clearly, you’re really a sadistic SOB because you know by then my back was already hurting when you made me do that next horrific exercise. Not even a compassionate break in between, what have I done to deserve this!? I’m sick of your games!

I overlooked your lack luster performance last night, because I didn’t want to embarrass you or risk mutilating our fledgling relationship…but now, I’m left weighing my options.

Seriously, my back hurts. See you in hell tomorrow, Kundalini. We’ll see if you can win me back…good thing breaking up is hard to do.

Truly, madly, deeply,


[Image via: Southtown Star]

One Comment leave one →
  1. Moodle permalink
    December 17, 2009 9:14 pm

    This Kundalini guy has got to go! This relationship has “CAUTION” written on yellow tape, wrapped all around you! Be careful with your feelings and Kundalini, whoever he is!

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