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A New Frame of Mind

December 16, 2009

 My experiences with Kundalini thus far have been pretty tough to describe. All I know is I was perfectly content to go to the two classes I paid for and call it quits, but then all of sudden I was ceremoniously drawing my credit card from its leather sheath of destruction to draw myself further and further into the Kundalini whirlwind.

Most likely, I can trace my path from where I am now back to my second class led by Marika. Point blank, she sounded like Jill Scott. Winner. Also, she was leading the most energizing class ever. We got to beat the floor and chant. As strange as it sounds, it was an amazing kriya. It had a natural flow from anger, to joy, to peace. I had never felt such a complete stillness as during the deep relaxation period. And after, well, after the class I could do nothing but stare, unfocused into space. I felt clean, peaceful and vacant. I don’t know about you, but it is damn near impossible for me to get the voices in my head to shut it. So, I’m sitting there blankly sipping the delicious tea, when I realize “hey, I should probably pee before getting on the train.” And that, my friends, is when it happened. I believe I  went soft at that very moment. As I was walking toward the loo, all of the sudden I started to sniffle and then the tears rolled. Shocked, well you’re not the only one. I wasn’t even feeling any emotions. That is when I decided that it was a profound experience and that Kundalini must be more deeply explored.

Feeling pretty good about my brainwashing, I decided to go in for the discounted beginners’ monthly for $55. A steal, I say. Be sure, I intend to use every last itty bit of the package. I’ve already begged an extra week out the package due to the holidays.

Since that fateful day I have had two more bizarre experiences.

Friday, my week anniversary with Kundalini, I went to Vinnie’s class again and again was floored by what we were doing. I can’t remember what made my body hurt, but that is probably only because I was left to dwell on the more remarkable portions of class: 15 minutes of criss crossing our legs in the air while thinking about any situation that ever made us mad, subsequently screaming out names of people who had trespassed against us, and then laughing…for no reason…for many minutes. I think I really knocked ’em dead with the angry thoughts and leg crossing, but I really flubbed the name screaming. I missed the memo entirely that they were supposed to be names of people we were mad at…don’t worry, if I screamed your name (during this exercise, perv) you are not cursed.

After the aforementioned experiences I couldn’t stop talking about Kundalini. I mean, hello, highlights: beating things, screaming, chanting, cursing people, laughing aloud exhaustively. So, of course, I went back for more. This is where things get a little sticky. I needed a weekend to recover from the laughfest of Friday night, but upon going back I found myself in a workshop for “prosperity.” I didn’t really know what I was getting into, and definitely did not know that it would be 2.5 hours long and would involve a powerpoint.  This experience left me just as fascinated, but perhaps a little confused.  I had left Bikram in part because I think of Bikram himself as the anti-yogi. He’s got a collection of Bentleys and an olympic sized swimming pool but can’t swim for god’s sake! So imagine me sitting there, being talked to about prosperity, more or less in the monetary sense (but also in the sense of abundant happiness). And that’s when Sat Jivan Singh discussed “blocks” against prosperity and I realized! Shit! That is why I only make $25K a year, I’ve blocked myself from succeeding. Now, my logic is surely flawed…but I left that class thinking I had better set my mind to prospering and stop  ballsing up my own life. Damn it! I’m sick of the empty bank account after paying rent.

I feel like quite possibly the majority of Kundalini classes that I will take up to January 17 will be worth their own post. I’m feeling already, however,  like I’m losing the ability to be cuttingly sarcastic…ah, must be the brainwashing!

[Image via: Open Salon]

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